Andy Anderson's Tall Tales

e-mail Andy

The Re-Incarnated Rimpoche

This last one is one of my trophies from my trip to Nepal in 1996. Nice to have a souvenir you can share around. This version is as told to me, but I've since found a couple of printed versions (which are even more, um, oblique...)

There was once a Rimpoche, or holy teacher, in the High Kingdom - and he had the supreme knowledge and was on the verge of achieveing the next enlightenment. he and his teachings were famous throughout the length and breadth of the kingdom - he was noted as a wise and gentle, compassionate man. And one day, he was visited by an enlightened Holy Woman from another kingdom, who wished to test his wisdom and understanding, because she wanted to send two of her best pupils to study with the Rimpoche.

So, the rimpoche served her with tea, of the finest to refresh her after her journey. And found a brocade robe of the finest, whilst her travel-stained robe was cleaned by the apprentices. And after they had taken tea together, she began to ask him questions about the three sciences, Cosmology, Mathematics and Sensual Love. And he could answer the questions of cosmology very well, the orientation of the various guardians and their houses, the relationships between the outer and inner planets, the method of raising a mandala from a plane into space and so on. And he could answer the questions on mathematics very well, of the calculation of tithes and levvies, of the prediction of the movements of the moon and of tides and of the days of the month and the hours of the day.

But, he said, being a celibate, he was unable to answer the questions regarding the science of sensual love. At which the holy woman departed, saying that she could not have confidence in her pupils having a fully rounded eduacation and training, but that she would ponder the matter and return some time in the future.

Now the Rimpoche felt aggrieved at having been questioned by a woman, a non-celibate who appeared to feel that he was inferior. He felt that he was indeed superior to this woman. But, he recognised these feelings for what they truly were, the influence of a wrathful manifestation and thus an obstacle to be overcome. And he pondered the matter at length, and withdrew into himself to send his spirit walking. Far and near he walked, until at last he came to a neighbouring kingdom where the Rajah lay close to death. Although his courtiers and viziers still attended the body, unknown to them, the Rajah's spirit had departed this plane some days earlier. So the Rimpoche sent his spirit into the Rajah's body, and animated it. This was much to the delight of the courtiers and viziers, for although the Rajah had been in many respects a dull man, he had always tried to be fair and loving, and he was loved in return. So, when he miraculaously recovered, there was rejoicing and feasting.

And the Rajah visited the seers and diviners, and discoursed at length with them about the portents for the coming harvest and the protective actions which should be taken now and later. And, little by little, the diviners and seers noticed that the Rajah was better informed on these matters than he had been, and that his decisions would help the kingdom to prosper as never before. But, they were so overjoyed at his recovery that they made no further comment.

The Rajah visited his treasurers and discoursed at length the levvies which would be needed for the winter and for the support of the many monks and nuns. And he gave advice on the number of workers who would be needed to maintain the irrigation ditches and the roads. And, little by little the treasurers noticed that the Rajah was better informed on these matters than he had been, and that his decisions would help the kingdom to prosper as never before. But, they were so overjoyed at his recovery that they made no further comment.

And the Rajah visited his wives and his concubines. And he showed them his love in many ways. And he stayed with his wives through many a night, and with his concubines through many an afternoon. And he confirmed the accuracy of many things of which he had read in the ancient texts. And, little by little, the wives and concubines noticed that the Rajah was better informed on these matters than he had been, and that he was more attentive and eager than he had ever been, bringing delight as never before. But, they were so overjoyed at his recovery that they made no further comment, in public at least, although they kept their own counsel as women do.

But the Rimpoche's body was in a deep coma, and his pupils and apprentices became worried. They soon discovered that his spirit had departed, and they set the most skilled amongst them to tracking down the whereabouts of the spirit. After many days they determined that the spirit was in the Rajah's body and the sent emissaries to try to persuade the spirit to return. But whether the spirit had forgotten its past, or whether it was enjoying cetain aspects of its new life too much, is not recorded. What is recorded is that the emissaries returned and the Rimpoche's spirit did not. So, they send the most skilled singers to the Rajah, and they performed some of the Rimpoche's own chants, some of the most powerful chants. And soon, the spirit decided that it must depart. So the Rajah called his favourite wives and concubines, his most trusted seers and diviners and treasurers, and said that he must soon give up his life. And he called the eldest son of his favourite wife to hime, and nominated him as his heir. And he instructed the treasurers as to the forthcoming seasons and ensured that his son understood enough about matters to take over and to learn more of the subject. And he instructed the diviners and seers as to the raising of a new mandala and to the throwing of some sacred cakes at the next holy day, and ensured that his son understood enough to take over and to learn more of the subject.

And he made provision for his wives, to take orders at the local nunnery and to study for their souls' and spirits' sakes in this incarnation and those to come. And for his concubines, he made sure that his son understood enough to take over and to learn more of the subject. And there was much sadness, but everyone recognised that all good things must come to an end, and that the kingdom would be far more prosperous, and far better governed, than if the Rajah had never fallen into the coma. And so the Rajah's body rendered up its life and for many days prayers and chants and sutras were said, but the kingdom was indeed better governed, and all were happy, not least the concubines.

And the Rimpoche returned from his spirit walking, and awoke, to the rejoicing of all concerned. Now, his closest pupils and apprentices kne the truth of the matter, of course, but for the others, they only knew that, in the same way that the Rajah had fallen into a coma, so had the Rimpoche, and that now he was restored. So the treasurers of the monastery said that, when the Rajah had awoken, he was wiser and better informed. And it was indeed true, they found that the Rimpoche was even more able to fathom the complexities of the treasury, and he was able to commission a new statue with the savings he made by eliminating wastage which ahd not been detected before. And the diviners said that, when the Rajah had awoken, he was wiser and better informed. And it was indeed true, they found that the Rimpoche was even better able to construct chants and determine the complexities of mandalas never before seen.

And in the winter, the Holy Woman returned. And as the Rimpoche's attendants prepared tea and rice and dumplings, as they prepared brocade robes for the Rimpoche and his guest, as they smelled the holy incenses, they talked, as people do, of what had been said of the Rajah by his concubines. And the Rimpoche and the Holy Woman spent many afternnons together in discourse. And also they spent many nights together. And what passed between them then, is not recorded. But what is recorded, is that ever after, the Rimpoche was agreed that men and women are equal in all matters. And what is also recorded, is that the Holy Woman agreed that the Rimpoche had been able to satisfy her on all of the outstanding matters. And always thereafter, she sent her finest pupils to the Rimpoche, who, she agreed, provided them with a fully rounded education.

(I think probably the original used religious logic rather than mathematics, but for the non-monk ex-pats in Nepal, arithmetic and mathematics are a more important survival trait.)