This page has been revamped and moved.
To go to the new page please CLICK
HERE.
Don't forget to update your bookmarks!
Contents
The
Mushroom
Theory
of
Management
The
KISS Theory
of
Management
Top-Down
Planning?
Month
Ending
A
Matter of
Interpretation
or
who is right -
you
or the boss!
Making
unfounded
assumptions
How
to delay
paying
your bills
The
4 P's of Bill
payment.
Meetings
Dilbert's
laws
of
work!
Keys
to better
relationships
Some
"helpful"
hints!
How
to interpret
Job
Adverts
On
other
pages
About
AWARE
A
brief guide
to
competitor
analysis
Quick
Tip
World
Money
Exchange
Network
Group
 |
"Management Theories!"There are several ideas put around which may seem amusing but have a grain of truth to them. I hope to include more of these as I find them. If you know of anything suitable you can always e-mail me at and if I like them, then I will add them to this page - with an author credit if desired. Most of the following office "theories" are to my knowledge anonymous. That does not mean that they lack validity. |
Member of UK HyperBanner
The KISS Theory of Management
It is always an idea to keep things simple - as expressed by the abbreviation KISS. I have heard a number of explanations for what KISS stands for. Take your pick ;-)
Keep It Simple
and Sexy
Keep It Simple
and Straight
Keep It Simple
Sweetheart
Keep It Simple
Stupid
Keep It Simple
for the Suckers.
Keep It Sugar
Sweet. (E-mail from the "Cab Lady" in Singapore)
Top-Down Planning?
- In the beginning was the plan and then came the assumptions and the
assumptions were without form and the plan was without substance and
the darkness was upon the face of the workers and they spoke amongst
themselves saying "It is a crock of sh*t, and it stinketh".
- And the workers went to their supervisors and said "It is a pail
of dung and none can stand the odour that rises from it".
- And the supervisors went unto the managers and said "It is a
container of excrement and it is very strong, such that none can come
near".
- And the managers went to their directors saying "It is a vessel
of fertiliser and none can stand its strength".
- And the directors spoke among themselves saying to one another "It
contains that which aids plant growth and it is very strong".
- And the directors went unto the vice-presidents and said "It
promotes growth and is very powerful".
- And the vice-presidents went to the President and said to him "This
new plan will actively promote the growth and efficiency of this company".
- And the President looked on the plan and saw that it was good, and the plan became policy.
Month Ending
Another month ends
All targets met.
All systems working.
All customers satisfied.
Staff eager and enthusiastic.
Pigs fed and ready to fly!
The Mushroom Theory of Management
Keep all employees in the dark and feed them sh*t!
A matter of interpretation.
- When I take
a long time - I am slow.
When my boss
takes a long time - he is thorough.
When I don't
do it - I am lazy.
When my boss
doesn't do it - he is too busy.
When I do something
without being told - I am trying to be smart.
When my boss
does the same - that is initiative.
When I please
my boss - I am creeping.
When my boss
pleases his boss - he is co-operating
When I do good
- my boss never remembers.
When I do wrong
- he never forgets.
Another version - this time from a more feminist perspective (?) was passed to me as an E-mail from the "Cab Lady" in Singapore. The original was by Katherine S. Beamer. It can, however, be made more general - just change some of the words: man could become "lazy employee" while a woman could become "the boss". It doesn't work totally - but I rather like the original anyway (despite being male!)
A man is
a person who, if a woman says, Never mind, I'll do it myself,
lets her.
A woman is
a person who, if she says to a man, Never mind, I'll do it myself,
and he lets her, gets mad.
A man is
a person who, if a woman says to him, Never mind, I'll do it myself,
and he lets her and she gets mad, says, Now what are you mad about?
A woman is
a person who, if she says to a man, Never mind, I'll do it myself,
and he lets her and she gets mad, and he says, Now what are you mad
about? says If you don't know I'm not going to tell you.
Making assumptions.
A standard phrase heard all the time is "I assume that...."
This often really means "I haven't a clue but I am guessing that...."
It's OK when you get it right, but not when you get it wrong. A golden
rule before "assuming anything" is to think of the letters that
make up the word assume. Whenever you make an assumption and get it wrong
- you will have made an Ass of u and
me.
