Two The Write Thing
June 6th 1997 to June 17th 1997
As always, it is you, our readers, who make it all worthwhile. Here, in an average 2.08 letters apiece, you celebrate our eight months of toil in constructing AP2 by calling us AMIGA POWER 2, informing us of a sequel to Workbench, asking technical questions about the A4000 and asking when we're going to do YS2-4. We love you all.
"WORK FOR AP OR ARE YOU"
Did you used to work for AP or are you just an ex-reader? (No, I don't play Amiga games any more.)
Jonathan, Resistance Saturn UK
"DESPERATELY HOPE IT WILL MOVE"
Huzza! The Four Cyclists have been defeated. AP is back in a (to use a YS-ism) funky skillo new format - a bit like YS2, but umm, different in that it's on the internet, it doesn't look like Ceefax with intolerable waiting times where you desperately hope it will move onto the next page before you die of some age-related illness like old age, and it's not about the Speccy (the most skill computer to have ever graced this earth).
Gerard Sweeney, Glasgow
Nor is it about the Amiga or a follow-up to AMIGA POWER. No, look, this is important. A number of you, our readers, have charmingly included links to AP2 on your own pages, but have almost all made the error of calling us "The Official AP Page" or somesuch. This is quiveringly wrong.
AP2 does NOT stand for AMIGA POWER 2. It's NOT the official AMIGA POWER intERnet page.* We're NOTHING TO DO with Future, except for having stolen vast numbers of pictures from them, and NOTHING TO DO with AMIGA POWER except for being written by lots of the same people and more or less telling the story behind the mag.
"Gerard Sweeney" - that's a bit of a funny name, isn't it?
"CONTACTING STEVE BOSANKO"
Hi, hello. i'm just finishing my degree here at Leicester University so it's quite lucky i came in and saw your e-mail. I presume you got my address from an old copy. (Yes. Originally JN was going to post the AP Readers' Trailer to everyone who wrote in to Single White E-Mail, but he got bored. - Ed.)*
Have you tried contacting Steve Bosanko? I was in contact with him via e-mail for a while but then I think he took a year out abroad someplace.
Have you tried to contact any of the staff? Steve Faragher and I exchanged a couple of e-mails about two years ago, and I got an e-mail from Matt Bielby once too. Bleedin' Nora! I stopped subscribing last summer so I don't know how the magazine finished up. At five pounds an issue it was getting a bit ridiculous. (Everyone was brutally slain and the magazine consumed in flames. - Ed.)
Anyway, thanks for contacting me. You've put me in the mood to dig out some back issues when i get home.
Tim Page, Leicester
Only slightly less time in the making than is needed to produce a human child, and it's released in exam week. The AP spirit of endearing bumbling lives on.
"FORMS AND A PROPOSITION"
Im mailing you becuase I know youll be keen to here of our EXCITING new range of ("Things" - Ed).
We produc QUALITY greeting cards, posters-for-putting-up-at-work, some other things and crackers so good YOULL WANT TO USE THEM EVERY DAY - NOT JUST CHRITSMAS!!!!
Tired of the same old twee verses in cards? Bored with the anodyne proverbs in your Christmas crackers? SO WERE WE!!! Thats why weve come up with a themed range of novelties all utilising caerfully selected quotes from Wittgensteins higly acclaimed Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus.
Stimulate conservation at dinner parties with cracker-proverbs such as "An operation is not the mark of a form, but only of a difference between forms" and "A proposition affirms every proposition that follows from it".
Delight friends with cards which open to reveal "What *can* be shown, *cannot* be said" - a semantic polemic which will cunjure wonderfuly vague emotional analogies.
Our poster of a cute, yet larconic, cartoon puppy saynig "The totality of existing states of affairs also determines which states of affairs do not exist" will have colleageus laughing out loud and your boss noting your flawless logic by association, while - for the offer price of just $4.67 - our Wittgenstein "Motto-a-Day" calender will make going to work each morning ALMOST A PLAESURE!!!
Our web site at ("http://dspace.dial.pipex.com/ap2/" - Ed) accepts al major credit cards adn is, now, totally secure.
SEE YOU THERE!!!!!
B Russell, Wolverhampton
P.S. Plaese post this mail to 5 off your friends and you will receive good luck all year, whereas merely deleting it will certainly ruslt in your ankles shattering.
What? The same B Russell who produced a long stream of explicit zombie/horror movies in the 80s but appears to have done little since?
"WORK ON AN AMIGA SURPRISINGLY"
Ha! That's a "Two", Stuart. I'll take you on any day of the week! Or not. But anyway.
I hope that this one will actually last for a reasonable length of time. And that it isn't, for example, just closed down after someone (probably SNH) decides to tell Future. For example. And it isn't C-Monster any more. According to him. And yes, it does work on an Amiga. Surprisingly well. And good luck for tomorrow.
Oh help. Once Isabelle Rees finds this, you'll have no respite, I fear. I do, indeed, fear.
The Name The Write Thing Vote (where you had to choose between JN's "Two The Write Thing" and Stuart's "2 The Write Thing - or if you want to be like that, AP Two") has so far been entirely in JN's favour. Advised he had received 0 votes, Stuart said, "Yeah, like AMIGA POWER ever cared about the democratically-expressed wishes of its readers, JN. You're all wrong, simple as that."
He's right about the democracy thing, of course. So any votes for "2 The Write Thing" will be thrown in the bin. Ah! Ah! Ah!
I VOTED FOR THE MATT BIELBY GOLDEN AGE"
I seem to have accidentally voted for the Matt Bielby Golden Age in your terribly exciting "vote for your favourite era" section. I have absolutely no idea how I voted for the Matt Bielby Golden Era, as I'm fairly sure I was on the Anarchic Collective Era screen at the time (and wasn't actually attempting to vote at all).
I did think it might be that the vote thing was rigged to reflect Do The Write Thing forever being filled with people saying "Oooooh, you're not as good as you were during the Matt Bielby Golden Age" or that the entire voting thing was an elaborate prank. However, as I'm not afraid of humiliating myself, I thought I'd tell you anyway.
Funnily enough, until now your timing has been pretty immaculate. AP2 turns up a few days after my dissertation is done, thus not disrupting me at important moments, and a few days before I leave my student paradise forever. So at least I got to see it. A pity that you haven't covered Dennis Potter's wife yet, which is probably the only AP reference I'm still curious about, but, erm, never mind, eh?
BTW AH WELL"
Hi-ya dudes! Hey, glad to see something AP-ish after so long... I missed you! Cool pages btw, ah well - i'd better go *wave*
Hang on - you're Isabelle Rees, aren't you?
"IN AND BING"
I'd just like to say something about your lack of a guestbook - you are being secretly ironic aren't you? It's just that anyone who visits your site and wants to be recognised will merely send an e-mail in and - bing! - they've got their comments preserved on site. Just like a guestbook in fact. Also, do I get the Bell the Book and the Candle I won for my letter in AP62? (No. - Ed.)
Guestbooks. What people are already calling "The Secret Garden for the Nineties."
"PEOPLE OCCASIONALLY SEND ME THEM"
Hi - I was wondering if you would like to distribute Gravity Power levels on your site? I have 80+ kicking about somewhere as people occasionally send me them. I also have a newer version of the Level Editor for said game.
Normally we'd point out your fairly major internal misunderstanding over thinking AP2 is about the Amiga, but talk of the finest game ever in the history of all things except (for some piddling technicality) for Sensi has prompted pleasing memories. What do you think, readers? Do you want to see a Gravity Power page with levels and things? TELL US.
"I AM UNABLE TO READ"
Erm. I`m in a bit of a fix. You see I've got e-mail but cunningly no internet access. This means I am unable to read the latest production of the MIGHTY BEINGS. With capital letters. So I was wondering if you could do me a considerable favour by mailing me a sample of your latest incarnation. Go on. You know you want to.
Gareth Charles, Shrewsbury
Right-o. (We sent the page that says "(grammar)". Ironically, Gareth's letter was about the only one that didn't need extensive sub-editing - but that just adds to the hilarity of the jape! Honestly, we just don't know what we're going to do next.)
"KNOW ER DAMN OH"
Merry Christmas one and all,
Just a few suggestions for the AP2 site...
i) Remember when you printed that list of words that Future said you weren't allowed to use in AP? How 'bout telling us what they all meant? I worked out quite a few of them.... but others seemed.... you know... er... damn...
Oh... just the one suggestion.... I did have another... but it's temporarily unavailable. I'll be sure to send it when it returns.
By dint of great effort we have traced this list to AP60's news feature, "Things Our Lawyers Told Us To Leave Out." God knows what it meant. Tim? Tim?
"WORKBENCH, THE AMIGA'S BELOVED THOUGH INDESCRIBABLY RANK OPERATING SYSTEM"
Well, first off I'd better just say Hurrah for this website, which is a wondrous and intriguing read and has caused me much evil delight and guttural lumpiness over several wasted hours locked in my bedroom InformationSuperOtakuWarrior-ingTM. (And where is the copy of Whatever Happened To... The Future Of The Internet?) (We didn't want just to reprint things from AP. There will be a page on the justifiably famous Whatever Happened To... ? features, however. At some point. - Ed.)
Unfortunately, I don't have anything specifically printworthy to say in a positive light, and what has triggered me to mail you is a need to correct a minor and trifling technical point.
Now, I know you don't give a ("The stars of Rodland are Tam and Rit" - Ed) and everything, but this is a factual error, and we can't have them, can we?
"... Workbench, the Amiga's beloved though indescribably rank operating system... " (AP Of Legend.)
True, Workbench is starting to niff a bit these days, but it's NOT the Amiga's beloved operating system, it's just a program which puts a bunch of icons about the screen much like the creaky old PC Windows 3. The Amiga's beloved operating system is something else entirely, and is a very wonderful operating system indeed.
Trust me on this, or suffer interminable technical details.
No one in the whole world cares, Marc. But we love you anyway.
"PERHAPS YOU COULD JUST BE SOME ENTERTAINMENT"
Congratulations and thank you very much for re-launching some incarnation of AP.
BUT! You do not seem to have the whole thing for me to download in one big chunk (I'm far too lazy to do anything about clicking on all the tiny links). Please get somebody to see to it that this is fixed. (Ungrateful wretch. - Ed.)
When I first read it, I got that unmistakable feeling of quality that has been absent in me for the past eight months. Who out of you lot is the editor? And who stumped up the money to buy the web space? And why did you buy it in the first place? Why not just use Geocities? Oh! You have!
Since this will be one of the first letters you receive (I presume), can I ask a simple question? Are you just creating something of an explanation of AP, or are you going the full hog and "be"coming the magazine again.
If the latter, how? There don't appear to be (m)any Amiga games around now. Perhaps you could just be some entertainment, and every few months review the one Amiga game as a massive 10-page feature full of completely unrelated nonsense.
And what's this about Quake on the A1200? I don't think so.
James Taylor, Bournemouth
AP2 would have appeared wholly on Geocities, but for tedious technical difficulties.* It's edited by J Nash and Stuart Campbell. The space was free from Pipex. AP2 tells the story behind AMIGA POWER. More or less. Quake? No thanks. Massively overrated. But so great in 16-player deathmatch mode, eh, ridiculously expensive network fans?
"ONE NOT TWO NOT"
I've only just noticed that Future are still putting AMIGA POWER on the subscription "wrappings" ("Home of Britain's finest magazines... amiga format AMIGA POWER amiga shopper arcane...")
I also find it criminal that they happily allow not one, not two, NOT EVEN THREE, but FOUR of those hellishly evil cross-stitch-based magazines. Zoiks.
IT'S. NOTHING. TO. DO. WITH. US.
"SKETCH FROM THE SMELL"
Unfortunately, Edwin's egeanieuse plan is almost a direct copy of a sketch from the Smell of Reeves and Mortimer book.
The balggard. ("Blackguard", presumably. Now, at last, "egeanieuse" has a companion. - Ed.)
These are serious charges. No one here has read the Reeves and Mortimer book. Can any AP2 readers help out in clearing Edwin's name? (Or - no! Unthinkable perfidy! - exposing his appalling crime.)
"DONE IT FOR YOU SIMPLY"
I noticed on the download page, on one of the footnotes you mentioned the utility needed for Macs to unzip a file. (Gnuk. - Ed.) Hell, you even told PC users how to go about it. But, as you have "forgotten" to put some info for Amiga users, I've done it for you. Simply insert the attached file into the footnote, and all should be rosy.
If anyone's using an Amiga to read AP2, they'll know already. And probably hate us anyway.
"GOOD WORK NASH"
AP2 is clearly the best website in history. Now AP will live forever.
GOOD WORK NASH.
Tim Cant, Essex
You unfairly neglect the labours of others.
"IN AFRICA IT IS"
Having looked over this site again, I have formed several opinions. It is, undoubtedly, highly amusing. It also explains a lot of things. It also has a rather large number of links that do not, as yet, work. However, perhaps it is a little too backwards-looking. Perhaps it would be better if it was instead, as the name implies, a follow-up to AMIGA POWER, rather than something wallowing in the past like a hippo does in mud. In Africa. It is just a thought.
Your complaint about broken links troubled us, Matthew, so we calculated exactly how many there are. AP2's over twenty pages contain 1,123 links. Of these, 167 currently lead nowhere. We can only conclude you are tragically unlucky. Or a sickeningly ungrateful wretch.
"WHICH ONE RUNS ON AN A4000"
I have a very special question. Some years ago, I bought the game "No Second Prize." It is a long story, but I'll make it short. I own the game but my original floppy disk disappeared with Thalion's end.
I was not able to run it on my new A4000 (that's the reason why i have sent it to Thalion), therefore I tried not to get another copy of it.
But now I hear that someone was able to run it on an A4000. It seems that there are two different versions around. Jean-François Fabre wrote in his readme to his HD-install script (aminet: nsphd.lha) about an AMIGA POWER coverdisk containing a full version of "No Second Prize."
Now my questions to you:
Do you have that issue with the motorcycle game "No Second Prize" from Thalion on stock? Can I order one from you? Is there a company who now owns the rights for that game? Are there two versions, and if so, which one runs on an A4000 and how can I distinguish between them? Does the version from your coverdisk run on an A4000?
I hope you are able to help me.
With best regards,
Gerhard Kozuschek, München, Germany
AND ANOTHER THING...
Isabelle Rees is strangely lacking from the list of people receiving this proclamation.
In fact she isn't.
Do you need any music for your site?
A fortunate happenstance, readers. We have commissioned of Gareth a special version of Roger Whittaker's Mexican Whistler for the AP Movie page.
You know, PC's really aren't that bad. No, really.
BAD boy. DIRTY boy. In your BED.
I unmasked the Secret Page - and lived! because it is just some words.
Well, the What'll Be On The Secret Page Page, anyway.
Actually AP was the only excitement and good publicity we ever got and we must admit you were sadly missed when you folded. The publicity circuit has been quite dull as a result.
Paul Carrington, Vulcan Software
Aw. You sweetie. Buy Vulcan's games, everybody! Except the Valhalla ones, natch. They're crap.
Anyway, I'm off to look for the YS2 web site.
Hurrah! That's the rest of the year taken care of. Goodnight everybody!
And as AP2's readership passes the 200 mark (but only because you can't yet download it all at once, eh, folks?) the first Two The Write Thing shimmies to a halt. The address, as always, is
or Two The Write Thing, spontaneous note fans. We don't print e-mail addresses, so placing yourself geographically would be pretty.
See you next time, chums!
Another Two The Write Thing