The Right Profile
Back Page, AP63
Full name: AMIGA POWER.
Address: 30 Monmouth Street, Bath BA1 2BW. And anywhere the MALIGNANT MAYOR OF THE SULPHUROUS SUBURBS peddles his falsehoods.
Date of birth: 19/1/91
Marital status: Single
|I was dropped as a sprog in January 1991, although my first issue didn't appear until April 25th. (Spook!) Fresh out of uni, I was still rebelling against my public school upbringing, so I championed anarcho-syndicalism for a while and hung out with loads of pop pals and media celebs. Don't let anyone tell you any different - Dexter Fletcher's lovely. I even released a couple of records in Germany. I'd've become a pop journalist, but it wasn't more important to me than being a computer games magazine (I've never put ambition above doing something I like) so I shaved off my beard and ponytail (which left me looking like Morrissey for a time), kicked the bottle-of-gin-a-day habit and rationalised my contextualising.
Ask any of my friends and they'll agree I'm a gentleman. You'll never see me work for a software company or plan to run an adult mag. But I don't suffer useless cretinous morons gladly and will call such men oafs. Occasionally I've acted boorishly, as if I'd been forced to mightiness and had no intention of rising to the honour, but I've pulled through and can say the 0891 rackets and dogfood-eating bets are behind me. And hopefully I've seen the last of the stalkers.
I've changed over the years, but, ironically, even as the Leaflet With Attitude, I sit around for the first three weeks of an issue waiting for the games to come in. The pressure really squeezes on deadline, and the best way to beat it is to loose 18 shots from a Stayr BB gun into a wife-beater's photograph to the thundering accompaniment of (I'm Going To Leave) Old Durham Town. I love animals, and after an issue's finished I'll put my cat on my lap and veg out with my huge collection of Doctor Who tapes, or hunt pith-helmeted hunters for my hippo to bite in half. Hobbies include dabbling in archaeology - for example, I've proved the link between penguins and dinosaurs - and stonemasonry, although I gave up practising the black arts in favour of making collages of 20th century pop icons. You can see my influence everywhere, from American mags to monthlies that think white space and right angles are a groovy idea four and a quarter years after I tired of them. Oh, and I know Trevor Gilham.
Switching to 14,4 - MNP 5. Goodnight everybody! Until next month, of course.
What do you believe in?
Truth above all.
What's the first thing you said today?
"Hey, I'm still 60 pages." (Except it's 52. - Ed.)
Who's your favourite historical figure?
Frieda Schulgrigg. She bluffed her way into a schoolteacher's job in 1872 and just made it up as she went, baffling generations of pupils. When they eventually caught her, they kept her on because her version of things was better. That's stylish.
What's your Number One object of desire?
What do you have in your pockets?
Except they won't do it, of course. Officially, I can't be closed because it would make two accountants redundant. Funny - you always think they'll afford you a little dignity in the end. Still, mustn't grumble. Who else would review games thoroughly and fairly? And the eight-page features are fun. (Except it's now six. - Ed.)
What happened to Spodland?
Hey - d'you remember that joke about deliberately getting me closed down rather than being dragged out to 36-page issues? Back in issue 50 or thereabouts, I think. Great days. Not as great as the Matt Bielby Golden Age, of course, but great nevertheless. Sorry. Miles away.
Are video games killing pop music?
Five pieces of paper with my jokes on, an unfinished plan of the Four Cyclists' Guide to the Apocalypse, the world's biggest yo-yo, a photograph of me aged zero and a receipt for a bag of satsumas - the Fruit Of Champions. No, I'll have to skip a few.
What's your favourite planet in the solar system (except Mars)?
What's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to you?
"You were right."
Who was the PR representative who wished you dead in AP43?
Keith Smith of Millennium. Bless him. The man's a brick.
What one thing do you think would improve the software industry?
When did you last break the law?
As the mightiest computer games magazine ever conceived by human beings, no law can bind me.
Who would play you in a movie of your life?
Have you any unrealised ambitions?
Not really. Veni, vidi, I disseminated essential information, and all that.
What would your epitaph be?
"First, there was AMIGA POWER. And now there is no more of it."
Back to the ish.