*We also apply for legal aid, as this type of thing is tremendously costly - for example, solicitors are bound by law to charge in "units" (of 15 minutes, usually) which rack up like billy-o.

It swiftly becomes apparent that the phenomenal expense involved will form part of Emap's wily defence strategy; ie, to keep the case going for so long that we give up.

After some brief tussling with the official Legal Aid organisation (which involves a couple of personal trips to their office to hand over sheets of A4 that couldn't be posted because of, er, mischievous dragons or something, plus a bit where they question Stuart's accounts as they reckon by his numbers he ought to be dead; he satisfies the query by feigning death in their atrium) we secure grant certificates. These mean we can cover the AP2 Solicitor's costs up to five thousand pounds (£2,500 each) for the purpose of "bringing an action for infringement of copyright against Emap Images" (thus disappointingly preventing us from using the sum to have anyone killed or buy sweets and chips) and that it's officially Go Go!! AP2 Legal Capers.